| Admittedly, I'm not exactly a talkative person so I see the reason for me feeling invisible. Given I'm more social than my older siblings, that's not necessarily saying a lot or even a good thing. I want to be free of this place. But I don't know what to do in life. I'm always thinking and playing out situations in my head, possible outcomes, possible answers, which was why for a long time, I was very depressed. Always, why am I here? I do not know. Is there a point? Not one that interests me. What is my purpose in life? What is my meaning? Were the questions that plagued me for the longest time. It drove people away. It drove me to the brink of insanity. Always asking Why? Why did it have to happen that way? Why didn't I say anything? How could have it been different? And then it came to me. There is no purpose for me being here. My existence is utterly meaningless, for there will be small impact that I have in this world, that will also sum up to what I was searching for. I'm to make my own meaning. My own purpose. My own reality if need be. Realizing that my existence is meaningless, however ironic, was actually quite nice. A feeling of serenity filled me. Of answer. Thought of laughter at all those people wondering what the "Ultimate Plan" was. I am not ultimately special, nor am I unimportant. I am what I think of me. I'm also quite possibly what other people think of me. Though their thoughts don't always matter. |